Dreams

I should be studying right now. Ah well, guess I'll start after I've written this post. My first two exams earlier this week went pretty well, but I expect the two upcoming ones to be more difficult. Which probably explains why I haven't studied for them yet. I have lost the skill of studying, I can't concentrate for more than an hour. I'll try to learn as much Spanish verbs as I can in the next few hours but I don't expect to pass the exam since the previous tests on the verbs were quite hard. I did, however, manage to pass the first one, so hopefully that's a good omen.

Since the day before yesterday I am having what I call my 'Metal Renaissance'. Sounds cool as hell, doesn't it? It basically involves downloading metal music pretty much all the time, I just feel like getting to know some new groups since I found my current metal library quite limited. In the last three days I've downloaded about 1,2GB of metal music and I plan on downloading a whole bunch more, which will probably result in getting cut of broadband internet for the rest of the month. But at least I'll have metal to listen to for the rest of the month, fuck yeah. From the new bands I've discovered so far, I like Testament and Twisted Sister most. Testament is trash, which I find the best metal genre, and Twisted Sister is just nice and hard rock 'n roll. Apparently they're coming to Graspop this year, I am looking forward to it. I also got some new music from Dragonforce, gotta love that band.

This morning my grandmother (she comes to our house every Wednesday, cleaning the house and owning my ass at card playing) woke me up before my alarm clock went off. Apparently she thought I had an exam today since my dad had marked my exam period (from Monday 'til Friday) on the calendar and she was freaking out because I was still in bed. Still half asleep, I managed to convince her that my next exam was tomorrow and so she left me alone. At first I was pretty pissed about her waking me up since I don't like waking up when I'm not supposed to, but that changed soon.

When she left, I fell asleep immediately (that happens all the time, when I wake up during the night I look around my room, I make an angry sound and I fall asleep again five seconds later) and I had a great dream about the Terra Ventura girl (yes, it's that kind of blogpost again) which I probably wouldn't have had if my grandmother hadn't woken me up. I'm not going to talk about the details of the dream, none o' your goddamn business, but I will tell that it was the most wonderful dream that I've had in a long time, probably since I last dreamed of her in the hotel itself.

Anyway, to the point. When my alarm clock finally went off I stayed in bed for a couple of minutes, reliving the dream in my memory, and then I got downstairs. I got to the kitchen to have lunch (yeah, I sleep 'til noon) and my grandmother was crying in there. She also had a dream, but she dreamt about her daughter, my mother. Of course it made her and me sad since my mother passed away this summer, I was lost in thoughts and memories during lunch. I realised that my dream and her dream weren't a coincidence, I felt they were connected in a strange way. In my opinion, the world tries to balance itself by having a positive... something when something terrible happens. The painful memory of my mother was accompanied by a new love for the Terra Ventura girl. The latter possibly couldn't replace the memory of my mother in any way, nothing can. But the point is that there was something today, or this night, that helped in the process of accepting the loss of my mother.

It's actually the second time this happens. This summer we were walking back from my mother's room in the hospital and we already knew she wasn't going to be alive for much longer so we were thunderstruck. But on our way out, we passed a young couple that were just the happiest people in the world because they had just had their first baby. That really was a moment that will stay in my memory for the rest of my life, since I realised that for every life, love or relation that fades away, another one is born. This has got to be the reason why I cope with my mother's death rather easily, I don't want to sound rude or anything (I loved her more than any other woman in my life and everyone should do so with their moms), but on that moment with the baby I just realise that life goes on and not all is lost. New relationships will become reality, it's that belief that kept me going since then.

It's getting quite dark in here (damn you rain clouds), so I'm going to turn on the light and turn off the metal music and the computer so that I finally get to study these Spanish verbs that are ominously lying here on my desk. See you later. I'd like to say that in Spanish to sound cool, but I guess studying Spanish is needed to do so, so I'm off.