It's a really good cloak

Today has got to be one of the single greatest days in my life. Maybe even defining for the rest of my life, because I found out something very important about myself. I discovered that I still have the ability to cry and that has made me happier than I have been in a long time.

My memory may contain more holes than the average golf gourse, but that doesn't mean I don't remember important events in my life. I just don't remember the ones that aren't worth remembering, that isn't so bad. Although it would prove useful to remember more useless stuff, especially while studying.

But anyway, the point is that my brain does contain a very vivid
memory of the last time I cried. It was twelve years ago and I'm not quite proud of the circumstances in which it happened, but that's not the point. The point is that that point in time, twelve years ago, was one of the rare moments in my life when I was emotionally moved by something and had to cry because of it. Now over the past twelve years I have taken some emotional hits, I wouldn't be telling the truth if I suggested otherwise. But those hits didn't affect me to the extent where I had to cry, be it tears from joy, sorrow or something else. In some cases, I strongly felt that I should have cried, just to let it all out on that particular moment and cleanse myself by doing so, but I didn't. So I started to fear that my ability to cry, or even to get emotional in intense moments, had vanished completely.

The movie Crash proved me wrong. I thank Paul Haggis on my bare knees for writing the little story about Daniel and his daughter Lara and the way Farhad was involved in their lives. That defining moment in front of Daniel's house was the moment that just hit me. I was already charmed by their first scene together when Lara was hiding under her bed, but it was this particular scene that just made the whole movie work for me. I can't really describe how I felt during the scene, but the feeling within myself was marvellous. Sort of like a volcano that's been sleeping for over a decade and now decided that it's time to wake (me) up. Or sleeping beauty who finally receives the kiss she's secretly been longing for for all there long years. Or some other metaphore involving sleep, I like sleeping after all. But today I found out that waking up from that sleep isn't as bad as I used to think.

No, not bad at all.